


Nothing Without Help

by linorose



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Canon Compliant, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, Panic Attacks, Verbal Fight, chansung if you squint, hyunsung fight, kinda maybe, lowercase cause we’re gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24973615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linorose/pseuds/linorose
Summary: any other day the pang in jisungs head wouldn’t have bothered him, but today was rough. today, jisung had fought with hyunjin once again. all too similar to their pre-debut arguments.orhyunjin and jisung have a small fight and jisung can’t seem to forget hyunjin’s words. chan is always there for him though.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han
Comments: 6
Kudos: 201





	Nothing Without Help

**Author's Note:**

> the dashes (—) indicate a flashback cause i can’t figure out how to italicize on here. 
> 
> more notes at the end!

“okay, we’ll be posting a japanese and english translation of the original kcon video, so we need half of you recording japanese and the other half english. decided amongst yourselves who will do which video. we’ll start recording in about 15 minutes.” the boys nodded in understanding and their manager walked away to talk with the staff. 

chan turns to his members, “anyone absolutely not want to do either language speak now or forever hold your peace.” 

there was a second of consideration between all the members before jeongin spoke up, “i’m more comfortable in japanese, hyung.”

chan nodded. “that’s one for team japanese. lixie do you want to do english?”

“sure! my japanese isn’t the best anyways.”

“i’ll join jeongin since i think i’m the most fluent in japanese,” minho pipped up. 

“okay, 2 japanese and 1 english. i’ll take whichever video needs someone left, so what language are the rest of you more comfortable in?”

seungmin, changbin, jisung and hyunjin all look at each other. 

“this’ll be easy. two of us speak english fluently and hyunjin is pretty good at it. i think we have team english.” seungmin the wise stated simply. 

“pretty good?! im as fluent as jisung!” hyunjin protested. seungmin hummed in sarcastic agreement. 

“sungie? you haven’t said anything, you cool with this?” chan questioned. 

all the members turned to look at jisung. chan’s head tilted waiting for his answer. they were all waiting on jisung. their eyes watching him expectantly. 

“i- uhm- yeah of course! our seungminnie is so smart,” he joked trying to lighten the mood. 

chan stepped forward and ruffled jisungs hair, earning a glare from the stylist that would have to fix it later. chan muttered a quick ‘sorry’ before turning back to the younger. 

jisung smiled a bit at his hyung, and they all separated into their groups. the japanese team was filming first. 

of course, the stylist quickly ran over with supplies and got to work fixing jisung’s hair while the rest of the english team reviewed the script. 

once she was done jisung sat in the corner between the practice room mirror and the wall, waiting for their turn. he never felt confident when speaking in any language foreign to him, which unfortunately for him included english and japanese. 

he was doomed from the beginning, wasn’t he? the bubbling inside his stomach was inevitable, wasn’t it? it was inevitable for him to mess up once again, wasn’t it? he couldn’t do anything right. 

“good job, you all did well,” the staff sang as the japanese team stepped away from the makeshift set in the middle of the practice room. 

“you’re up” minho sing-songed in front of jisung in his adorable broken english accent. 

jisung slid up the wall and walked over to the set. he decided to stan next to felix’s right on the edge of the group. they stood jisung, felix, seungmin, hyunjin. 

the photography-grade lights were blindingly bright. jisung just tried to stare into the camera as seungmin ran off the script. he knew that once seungmin stopped, it was hyunjin’s turn, then his. 

the screen below the camera displayed their lines in case they forgot. jisung saw his floating up on the screen and knew it was coming all too soon. 

any other day the pang in jisungs head wouldn’t have bothered him, but today was rough. today, jisung had fought with hyunjin once again. all too similar to their pre-debut arguments. 

jisung was having a hard time trying to memorize all the new choreographies for their new comeback, and hyunjin just wanted to help. 

—

it was early in the morning, 3 am if jisung had to guess. it wasn’t uncommon for members to be practicing this late right before a comeback, so no one questioned it when jisung said he wanted to stay back for a while. hyunjin and chan were working on a solo song together for hyunjin, so he also decided to stay back to write lyrics. 

jisung hadn’t heard the door crack open over the beat of song he was dancing to. his eyes too focused on watching himself in the mirror to notice the figure sitting down on the couch behind him. 

“your so stiff. did you even stretch?” 

the voice shook jisung’s focus and his foot slid out from under him, landing him ass first on the floor. 

“fuck... hwang! get out im trying to focus,” jisung turned and yelled at the dancer. 

“i’m trying to help. did you stretch?” hyunjin stood up and began walking towards the boy sitting on the floor. 

“yes, we all stretched together this morning.” 

“no, i mean before you started this practice. it’s been hours since we were all dancing together, your muscles could’ve stiffened back up. let me help you.”

“no hwang, i can do it myself. can you just leave so i can focus please?” jisung pushes himself off the ground and walked back to the computer to start up the music again. 

“ji, let me help. i’m not going to leave and let you get everything wrong again and again. practice doesn’t make perfect. practice makes permanent. perfect practice makes perfect.” 

that was a saying hyunjin had learned from one of his first dance teachers. he would remind himself of it when he tended to let his annoying arrogance overcome him, something jisung knew very well by now. 

however, that was the opposite of what jisung wanted to hear. he knew he was fucking up, he didn’t need to hear it from someone else. he’d heard it one too many times in his own mind. 

jisung stopped before he could reach the computer and spun on his heel back to hyunjin. “i don’t need your help, just go away!” 

hyunjin’s mouth worked faster than his brain and he spat, “you’ll never gonna get any better without help. but fine. im tired and im going home, don’t stay too late.” without another word hyunjin grabbed his bag off the couch and slammed the door behind him. 

jisung collapsed on the floor and simply laid there until he found the strength to walk back to the dorms. 

—

hyunjin’s words rang through jisungs head. 

you’ll never get any better without help.  
you’ll never get any better without help.  
you’ll never get any better without help.  
you’ll never get any better.  
you can’t do it.  
you’re so useless. 

his breath was caught in his lungs. it felt like no oxygen was leaving or entering his body. he tried, he tried so hard to focus on the script but the only words his brain could process were you’ll never get any better without help. 

he knew it was true. he’d always struggled to perfect things on his own. he sought chan’s help one too many times when writing lyrics, or minho’s help for dancing. even seungmins help for staying stable while singing. 

jisung knew he was so far from perfect that he often thought why he was even trying anymore. what was the point in trying to get better when you couldn’t do it? are you even any better if someone has to help you with everything? he felt so useless on his own. 

almost as useless as trying to focus on anything when the walls around him felt like they were closing in. he could feel every eye in the room tearing through him. 

the little sense jisung had in his mind at that moment screamed for him to run away. so, he did. 

tears welled in his eyes as his legs carried him to who knows where. it didn’t matter where he was as long as he wasn’t being a nuisance to everyone around him. 

when his legs finally gave out he realized he’d ran all the way to the small studio chan had been using lately. he slumped down in the corner where anyone looking through the window couldn’t see him. his knees came up to his chest and his arms hid his face as he cried. 

his ears rang in the silence of the soundproof room. his chest was so heavy that breathing felt impossible. every inch of his body itched, he was so uncomfortable. although, he hardly noticed any of that over the degrading thoughts plaguing his mind. 

you can’t do anything. you’ll never be good enough. you’re so useless. you can’t even compare to the others you’re so bad. so weak. so talentless. so ugly. so useless. useless. useless. 

he tried so hard to keep quiet just in case the soundproofing wasn’t enough and his cries could be heard. somehow it was still too loud for him to hear the voice calling out to him. 

“—- hear me? jisung, please. look at me baby. im here sungie, it’s okay.” the voice was so soft, so soothing to jisung in his state. 

he turned to find the owner of the voice, and through his teary eyes he could make out chan’s blond hair. 

chan was kneeling next to jisungs body, careful not to touch him incase it would make the younger feel worse. “there you are, ji. it’s me, channie-hyung. im here baby. it’s gonna be okay. can you say something for me?” 

jisung tried to speak but all that came out was a choked cry. jisung was shocked by the noise that came out of him and more tears spilled out. 

“hey, hey, it’s okay. don’t talk love okay? save your energy. can you focus on your breathing for me?” 

this time jisung decided it was best to give a small nod. 

“good. let’s do it together okay? in ...... hold ... and out. you’re doing good, sungie. in ...... hold ... and out. so good.” chan instructs jisung until his breathing becomes somewhat normal.

“hyung,” jisung breathes out. he didn’t notice but his tears stopped and he could clearly see his hyung sitting before him. 

“yeah baby, it’s me. can i touch you ji?” chan asks hovering his hand over jisungs arm. 

the younger nodded once again and felt a warm hand rest on his arm. he felt safe with chan. 

chan ran his hand up and down jisungs arm calming him down. “on a scale of 1-10 how bad is it?” 

“how bad is what, hyung?” the younger asked confused. 

“your head, jisung, your thoughts. you haven’t had an outburst like this since- in a while.” 

“i... i just... 7.” 

“come here baby,” chan said and pulled the younger into a hug. 

chan’s warm embrace grounded jisung more than he’d like to admit, but it also broke him. he knew how much it hurt the others to see him like this. jisung hated worrying his members so much, his tears began to pour out again. 

“it’s okay, sungie. let it all out. it’s okay to cry darling.” 

chan rubbed jisung’s back until he stopped crying. all chan wanted was to make sure the younger was okay. he would give anything for his members. 

“hyungie,” jisung spoke with his voice muffled in chan’s shirt, “why can’t i do anything right?”

“jisung...” chan pulled back from the boy just enough to see his face. “you promised me if you started feeling like this again you’d tell me.”

jisung looked down at his hands. “i know hyung, im sorry. i didn’t wanna disappoint you again.” 

“jisung you have never disappointed me. you’re so strong and hardworking and talented and such an amazing person. did something happen, ji, to make you feel this way?”

“it’s just... with the comeback and all... and i just can’t seem to get anything right recently.” jisung spared a quick glance up at chan to see if he was mad. all he could see in the leaders eyes were care and compassion for him. 

“im always here to help you jisung. all the members are. any one of us would help you with anything you were struggling with.”

jisung thought back to his fight with hyunjin. he couldn’t hold back from scoffing a bit. “i’ll never get any better without help,” he mocked. 

“what?” chan asked confusion written all over his face. 

“that’s what hyunjin said to me last night. ‘you’ll never get any better without help.’”

a wave of understanding seemed to crash over chan. “you two fought again? i’m sure he didn’t mean it that way jisung. we’re always here to help you, but so many times you’ve worked so hard to improve yourself and it’s worked. you’re beyond capable of bettering yourself on your own, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad to accept help. not accepting help or advice from others would be wrong, no one can go through life on their own.”

“but lately it’s been like i need help with everything. dance moves, writing lyrics, singing, all of it. it’s exhausting always having to seek help from others, hyung.” 

chan’s hands lowered from jisungs arms to his hands and held them. “it’s okay to go through a rough patch sometimes. we haven’t had much of a break lately. and things like writers block happen to everyone. im not trying to invalidate your feelings, jisung, but it’s okay to not always be the best. knowing you’re not the best and working to get there is good, but you can’t overwork yourself or become too self-critical. you’ll lose yourself, and it looks like you did.”

the younger thought over the leaders words. he knew chan was right, but it was hard to admit that to himself. jisung had come so far being told how talented he is that when he messes up, it breaks him. 

suddenly, another thought came into his mind. “oh god... chan-hyung did i mess up the video? we should get back i don’t want to make everyone wait on me. oh god.”

jisung tried to stand up, but chan tightened grip on his hands to stop him. “hey, listen to me. it’s okay, you didn’t mess it up. i told changbin to get everyone to go on lunch break. it’s okay, no ones waiting on us.” 

a sigh of relief escaped jisungs lips. “can we stay here for a bit then? i don’t wanna face the others yet, especially jinnie.” the last part came out no more than a whisper, but chan’s wolf-like ears caught it. 

“we can stay as long as you want baby. if you want i could go get us some food from the cafe downstairs and we could eat in here? would you like that?”

“that sounds great, hyung. thank you, channie-hyung, for always taking care of me.” jisung gave chan a small, loving smile. 

chan leaned forward and placed a kiss on jisungs forehead. “i’m always here for you sungie. i love you.” 

“i love you too, chan-hyung.”

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! i really hope you all enjoyed this. it’s my first time writing a completely angst story, so i hope it was good. 
> 
> feedback and requests always welcomed!


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